If one word could capture the essence of 2023, it would be "pendulum."
The arrival of a dream job, a full-time remote photo editor/curator position in February, brought tremendous joy. Finally, after almost 3 years, I had a steady income and health benefits. My life was immersed in pictures and had the chance to work in Paris and New York, all while spending quality time with my family.
In Paris, I paused every so often to appreciate the view from the large windows in my brother GT’s apartment. Five years ago, when I was a Group Reservations Coordinator at a luxury hotel, I remember gazing at the brick wall butted against the window opposite my desk longing to look at pictures all day and work remotely. Reflecting on it now, I am amazed at how a pipe dream has transformed into a reality.
In my sister Malyn’s backyard in upstate New York, I savored the sounds of chirping birds and rustling leaves while sipping a warm cup of coffee in the morning. We bought produce at a local farmer's market, attended a Flag Day parade, stood in awe at evening fireworks by the river, and explored nearby towns. Additionally, we also hosted friends to celebrate GT’s birthday.
Although I knew at the back of my mind that my job may have a short lifespan (my team sat in the non-revenue-generating column of the financial balance sheet), I was still caught by surprise when it ended after 7 months. Ideally, I was hoping for a year or two. Unfortunately, the company never launched its ambitious project which had the potential to enhance the company's long-term profit. Instead, it redirected its focus to fulfilling its short-term financial objectives.
Yup, another curve ball.
As some of you have read my posts in the final quarter of 2023, my initial plan was a two-week visit to be with my parents in Manila following their hospitalizations. The layoff announcement arrived a week before my departure. Considering this as a silver lining moment, I extended my stay. Deep inside, I felt a strong calling to step up and temporarily take on the responsibilities of managing the household and coordinating Mom and Dad’s care team.
Since returning to San Francisco, my parents’ caregivers have been sending daily photos. I am incredibly touched by how sweet and considerate they are. Ate Marica purchased an extra wheelchair, enabling them to attend church or enjoy mornings outdoors together. They now eat their regular meals in the dining room. Mom has progressed from using a walker to a cane.
As the year came to a close, I took a two-week pause from Sundays with Stella to allow more space for collaging, reading, and embracing stillness without the restrictions of deadlines. I also indulged in some lazy days— spending more time in bed than usual and racking up excessive hours surfing on my iPhone. (I’m working hard this year to curb this habit!) Connecting with good friends over Zoom calls and email exchanges became a cherished part of this break. On a more productive note, I started assembling my job-hunting website portfolio and prepared my application for an artist residency program.
As crazy as the pendulum swung in 2023, I find solace in the belief that it will eventually swing back in the opposite direction. Life is that way— impermanent, always changing. If there's anything I've learned so far in my creative journey, it's these three things:
Embrace Plan ‘Be’. Coined by author Amy Krause-Rosenthal, this term means existing only in the present. Living in the moment and relishing what each day unfolds alchemizes the discomfort of uncertainty. Intentionally seeking beauty reshapes one's mindset and fosters resilience to face whatever challenges lie ahead.
Keep Planting Seeds. Inspired by biblical narratives of planting, sowing, and reaping, directing one’s energy toward endeavors aligned to what’s true within will eventually grow. Sow numerous seeds and persevere, even in the absence of visible progress. In the realm of energy, everything is in constant motion so don't give up— remain open to possibilities.
Cultivate Spiritual and/or Mental Fortitude. Recently, I learned about karma and how Tina Turner escaped its pull from her book, “Happiness Becomes You.” She compared karma to gravity.
She began with a simple explanation by Astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson. “To escape gravity, we must move at a speed greater than its force can resist. This speed is known as cosmic ‘escape velocity.’ Every object in the universe has one. On Earth, that velocity is about seven miles per second. This means that in order to break out of gravity’s pull, you must leave the Earth’s surface with a force so great it can propel you at least seven miles per second.”
Then she added, “To free yourself from the invisible ties of karma, to achieve ‘karmic escape velocity,’ you must increase the power of your life force until it becomes greater than the force of the karmic pull. In the case of a karmic black hole, however, your life force can definitely achieve a velocity greater than the speed of light— let’s call it the velocity of enlightenment. By increasing your spiritual velocity of enlightenment, you can break free from the gravitational pull of any karmic limitation. My life is proof of this.”
For Tina, Buddhism and her steadfast work ethic turbo-charged her life force, even sustaining her through serious health issues following retirement from her singing career.
This was the message I needed to read. I was praying for guidance and direction when her book arrived unexpectedly on my Libby app on December 30th. Tina Turner was an influential person who propelled me on this creative journey. Her courage, faith and perseverance to forge her solo career from nothing else but her name inspired me to take a chance on myself and make the leap to photography.
Additionally, reading Viola Davis’ memoir, “Finding Me”, and watching “Maxine’s Baby, ” a documentary on Tyler Perry’s story, revealed parallels with Tina’s life. Both Viola and Tyler drew their spiritual fortitude from their profound faith in God and their solid work ethics.
Recognizing that not everyone embraces a spiritual practice, cultivating mental fortitude becomes an alternative avenue for developing resilience. Art, yoga, meditation, gardening, exercise, stress management, and empowering affirmations are some of the practices that can also increase the power of one’s life force.
There are some things that I grapple with that continues to weigh me down. It's crucial to remember that, akin to overcoming Earth's gravitational pull, science has proven that it is possible. And, Tina’s life is a solid testament to the power of cultivating spiritual and/or mental fortitude.
As always, let’s meet in the comment section below. Let me know your thoughts or if anything resonated with you.
See you all next Sunday!
I’m so glad to be back and connecting with you once again, dear readers! Thank you so much to those who wrote private messages over the holidays letting me know how moved you were by some of the posts from last year. Your thoughts and encouragement mean the world to me. For those who are new to Sundays with Stella, Welcome! I invite you to visit the archives and encourage you to join us in the comment section above. Or, you can also send me an email at stellakalaw@substack.com
Welcome back, Stella! What a beautiful letter, so full of heart and all the daily truths of working out life. Sll of the question-mark collages definitely resonate with me in my own life stage right now - but oh, that pendulum piece! It was mesmerizing. I put it in full-screen and just got absorbed in it, just trying to see more each time of each moving piece, each flashing car, each distant silhouette. I could imagine I was resting my chin on the windowsill, absentmindedly watching the whole world flow by. It was so engaging.
Every bit of this resonated with me, my dear. It seems you and I are in very similar places at the moment. But, of course we are :) I love your writing so much and I so look forward to what's to come for you this year. Huge hugs, can't wait to see your face (in person) again. xo