Searching for Light
Softening Sorrow, Giving Hope and Strength.
I’m finally home in San Francisco, barely unpacked, with my luggage still sitting at the bottom of the stairwell. I need to get to them by the end of the day—at least, that’s what I’m promising myself.
To be honest, I haven’t done much. I opened my mail—mostly Christmas cards and some financial documents—binged watched The Jackal with Eddie Redmayne (highly recommended), caught up on sleep, and made some of the foods I missed.
My body is still adjusting, trying to unwind after three months of relentless stress. I feel completely broken—mind, body, and spirit. I’ve never been this low before and am struggling to find my footing.
Photography was the plan this morning, a way to regain a sense of stability. It has always been one of the few constants, something that provides steadiness when everything else crumbles. Right now, it’s as if the ground has cracked beneath me, and I’m in free fall.
Light was supposed to be the focus, but the clouds had other plans. Instead, I sifted through my archives and found some images worth sharing.
Why focus on light?
Because seeking it brings hope and strength to keep going. Even the faintest light, no matter how subtle, can soften sorrow. Witnessing the way light interacts with the landscape—how it transforms everything—brings a sense of peace and comfort. It also symbolizes the search for a divine presence, which I call God.
I checked the weather app on my iPhone and the week looks mostly cloudy with sunny breaks mid-week. Planning on doing our walks and perhaps on some days, just sit by the bench and watch the waves curl and lap towards the breakwater by the marina.
And with a camera, the search for light continues….
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I love the photos, Stella. You're doing something. You're seeking light. I remember just a year and half ago, I was flying back and forth to Tulsa for my brother. When I came back home via car for the last time with his dogs in tow, I wanted nothing to do with humanity. It felt like an incredible gut punch. I know I keep saying this, but it does get better. This site helped me enormously - https://whatsyourgrief.com. BIG hug from the other side of the country...
You have such a wonderful eye and sense of light. I agree with Juliette. Seeking that light is doing something. It can be a lifeline, a raison d’être when the world seems completely upside down. Sending you a great big hug.