If There is No Wind, Row
Personal Stories Inspired by a Timeless Latin Proverb
This week’s post and collage inspiration came from
’s note:(Thank you, Alex!)
The phrase “If there is no wind” brought back memories of childhood summers in Manila—weeks and months of hot stifling, humid air. Whirling electric fans were running in every room in the house. Mom bought three of the same brand, except the speed control buttons were in different colors: green in my parents' room, yellow in ours, and blue in GT’s. Five minutes after emerging from a cold shower, I was already drenched in my sando (similar to a tank top). During brownouts, fanning was a matter of survival. I’d get a newspaper and fold it into quarters, or use a piece of cardboard—anything that was lying around and stiff enough to create a breeze. Hands down, the pamaypays, made with anahaw leaves, were always the best ones on a hot day.
Yet, we kept going about our day to play. Between 12 and 3 pm, the sweltering heat was overwhelming. I waited after 3 pm to roller skate in the garage, or hit tennis balls and practice my swings against the white wall. When I was in my teens, I biked around the neighborhood, exploring streets I’d never been to. I loved the breeze when I was pedaling away. On quiet lanes, I’d race faster to increase its intensity. If there were volleyball matches at the gym, I would join in. The teams were a mix of boys and girls; most were cordial, but some were so boisterous that I would leave shortly after the game to avoid further interaction. I was usually home by 6 pm, and dinner was served by 7:30 pm when Mom and Dad returned from the office.
At the end of 2020, as the days grew shorter and temperatures dropped to the low 40s, it became increasingly difficult to maintain our morning walks. The world was still on lockdown.To keep up with our exercise routine and preserve our momentum, we bought an indoor rowing machine. I was set on getting the Water Rower after seeing Robin Wright use it on Season 1 of House of Cards. Dear readers, I’m usually not swayed by product placements, but I was particularly fascinated by how this analog apparatus recreated the swish and splash of water with every stroke. Add Robin Wright to the equation and boom, I was sold!
We set up the rowing machine in our small living room, positioned in front of our old flatscreen TV. At first, I could only manage ten minutes before tiring out. I found indoor rowing sceneries on YouTube, which helped me focus while building my stamina. I alternated between these and winter train ride videos. After a few weeks, I was able to row for 25 minutes. Thankfully, the habit stuck and we’ve continued using it to this day. Last Tango in Halifax Season 3 on Netflix is what I’m currently watching.
I've been feeling somewhat at a standstill these past several days. Remember those calls I made three months ago, where I was put on hold for a long time? That issue is still unresolved after 90 days. My last unemployment check was issued last month, and job prospects continue to be elusive. I feel stagnant in this aspect of my life. Here is my website in case anyone is interested or has any leads/referrals.
In contrast, writing for this newsletter, collaging, cooking, morning stretches, prayer, meditation, journaling, and indoor rowing have filled my days with joy and contentment. Gratitude fills my heart the minute I open my eyes in the morning and before I sleep at night. I don’t take anything for granted.
I am comforted by Sharon Salzberg’s words, which I came across the other day:
“We can allow every feeling the dignity of its existence.”
I recall a time when my roommate Lek and I were sitting one evening on the balcony of our apartment in Burlingame. Having just graduated from Brooks, we were trying to figure out our next steps. I was working part-time as a PBX operator at a hotel near San Francisco International Airport, while she was waiting tables at a Japanese restaurant around the corner. Our photography endeavors had come to a standstill. During one of our conversations, Lek said something that I still remember to this day: even the gentle pattering of water in the same spot on a stone will, over time, create a dent.
Reflecting on that moment with Lek, I am reminded that things eventually change—they always do. This is just one chapter in the book of life. I know this, but it’s sometimes difficult to believe when things are at a standstill.
Even so, I make 3 collages.
If there is no wind, row.
As always, let’s meet each other in the comments section below. let me know your thoughts or if anything resonated with you. If you would like a print made for the collages featured in this post, send me an email at photo@kalaw.com. I would be happy to discuss it with you.
See you all next Sunday!
ANOTHER WAY TO SUPPORT SUNDAYS WITH STELLA
Great news, dear ones! I've listened to your requests and created a support page on my website. Now you can contribute to 'Sundays with Stella' in any amount using your credit card, PayPal, or Venmo. Your generosity is truly appreciated!
I often listen to this song it’s from the Film Motorcycle Diaries: Al otro lado del río a Spanish song. Here are four English lines:
“The day will little by little
overcome the cold.
I think I have seen a light
across the river”
Row Row Row
is the chorus.
As always I love what you have created Stella.
Even when we think there's no movement at all, when the surface of things seems perhaps unsettlingly still, currents are always stirring underneath. We never know what will rise to the surface or when. Keep rowing, keep making. That's all we can do, and we become richer for having had the experience. Thank you for sharing this. I'm kind of in one of those periods too, waiting for something to open up, for a new professional endeavor, putting out feelers, applying for jobs, etc. And in the meantime, just like you, I keep creating-- or rowing-- and focusing on gratitude. :)