The Red Hours
On Waiting and Making
My mind was beginning to spiral, waiting to hear back for a possible contract job next year. The waiting in the moments in between is excruciating, especially when I let myself be idle.
And so I sat down, just as I’ve done since the lockdowns, and made collages this afternoon. I stared at the blank page and had no idea what to do.
Red paper was the first thing that popped into my head, so I searched for unusual but graphic shapes, movements, or textures. In another tab, I opened my collection of public-domain images on Flickr.
I dove in, got lost in the possibilities for several hours, and ended up going to bed calm, with joy in my heart.
Tomorrow, I will do the same.
Waiting is inevitable. We all go through it, no exceptions. That space is restless and uncomfortable. And most of the time, what we’re waiting for is out of our hands—yes or no, pass or fail, good or bad news—it runs the whole gamut.
The act of doing, creating, or making gives us some agency. It pulls us back to something we have control over. When our focus shifts, the mind and heart follow. Others may have the capacity to be still and stay with the discomfort through meditation.
Either way, it matters what we do while we wait.
“Who you become while you’re waiting is as important as what you are waiting for,” writes John Ortberg Jr.
Maybe it’ll make us grow a sense of fortitude. Maybe it’ll open our minds and stretch our hearts. Maybe it’ll make us learn to live better through the inevitable pauses in our life’s journey.
I always return to Rainn Wilson’s quote: “The act of making art is no different than prayer.” When we pour ourselves into the work, there’s an unspoken conversation that happens from our hands to our hearts, that whispers to God’s ears or the universe.
Our hopes and fears, our doubts and confusion, anger, sadness, disappointment—all of it—inscribed in the symphony of paper, glue, pixel, pencil, pen or paint that acts as vessels, offerings of surrender so they do not linger within us.
Will tomorrow be another day of waiting and making? I have no idea. But that’s all I know to do.
Tomorrow, I will do the same.
(Update: After four days of waiting, I heard back from the recruiter and they decided to move forward with another candidate for the contract job.)
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Brilliant work, as always!
Insanely good collection! Very much taken by Vroom! in particular. Not so much picking a favourite, but feeling especially drawn in by that one.