John O' Donohue: On Grief

Expressing the Words I cannot Find Myself

Three days ago, my sister passed peacefully. It was early morning, and the purple-orange light bathed the city as driver Ralph took me to the hospital. An hour later, her room was filled with sunlight while her body lay still. It was heartbreakingly sad and beautiful altogether.

I’m struggling to find the words to express my grief.

A memory comes to mind.

In 2022, our group of friends hiked the Cliffs of Moher in County Clare, Ireland. Midway along the trail, Ate Marica’s left hiking boot came apart at the sole. She didn’t complain, even though I saw her struggle to catch her breath due to the elevation and the muddy ground left by the rain the night before. I stayed with her at the back of the line, to offer assistance if needed, and to make sure we finished together.

Ate Marica hiking the Cliffs of Moher, County Clare, Ireland. September 2022.

County Clare was also the hometown of Irish poet and philosopher John O'Donohue, whose writings reflect on the power of beauty, solitude, compassion, and the sacredness of life. His words are a balm to my soul and has inspired me in the past. I now turn to him to express what I can’t quite find myself.

Though we need to weep your loss,
You dwell in that safe place in our hearts,
Where no storm or night or pain can reach you.

Your love was like the dawn
Brightening over our lives
Awakening beneath the dark
A further adventure of colour.

The sound of your voice
Found for us
A new music
That brightened everything.

Whatever you enfolded in your gaze
Quickened in the joy of its being;
You placed smiles like flowers
On the altar of the heart.
Your mind always sparkled
With wonder at things.

Though your days here were brief,
Your spirit was live, awake, complete.

We look towards each other no longer
From the old distance of our names;
Now you dwell inside the rhythm of breath,
As close to us as we are to ourselves.

Though we cannot see you with outward eyes,
We know our soul's gaze is upon your face,
Smiling back at us from within everything
To which we bring our best refinement.

Let us not look for you only in memory,
Where we would grow lonely without you.
You would want us to find you in presence,
Beside us when beauty brightens,
When kindness glows
And music echoes eternal tones.

When orchids brighten the earth,
Darkest winter has turned to spring;
May this dark grief flower with hope
In every heart that loves you.

May you continue to inspire us:

To enter each day with a generous heart.
To serve the call of courage and love
Until we see your beautiful face again
In that land where there is no more separation,
Where all tears will be wiped from our mind,
And where we will never lose you again.

On the Death of a Beloved
John O Donohue

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