Becoming the Ocean
Travel Tales, Mental Health and Following God's Direction
This past week, Dad was in good spirits. He agreed to have his caregiver wheel him outside the house for a change of scenery and some fresh air. His O2 levels had been stable allowing him to be off his oxygen tank. (17 hours was the longest he had been without it). When they returned, he ate breakfast consisting of toasted pandesal with melted cheese, a small bowl of grapes, and half a cup of Ensure milk. He spent time in the lanai, in the kitchen, and in Mom’s room. One day, last week, he even joined me at the dining table for the first time since his hospitalization. Just when I thought things were progressing, we seemed to be sliding back. We had a four-day streak followed by four days of him sleeping most of the day, only waking up to eat his meals and hear mass online in the late afternoons with Mom. When I checked in at 8:00 a.m. this morning, Grace happily reported their return from their hour-long wheelchair walk.
There is no rhyme or rhythm to him.
Ate Marica arrived yesterday from her month-long trip to Europe. She hadn’t slept during the flight so she took a nap soon after she changed into a T-shirt and a pair of shorts. I woke her up an hour later as Mom was about to walk toward my Dad’s room. Groggily, she got up. Dad’s face lit up when he saw her. He flashed a big smile as he reached out his hand and she grasped it firmly. Mom was equally delighted. Once we’ve all settled in, we listened to Ate Marica’s homemade culinary explorations and outings with cousin Anna in Paris.
Back in the room, after we’d had dinner, Ate proudly showed me the bottles of whiskey she brought home and shared the origin story for each. She fondly recounted her last evening with my brother GT and cousin Anna having cocktails and Asian fare at Restaurant Mun on Champs Elysees. I asked her about the road trip to Scotland and what it was like driving from Edinburgh to the Isle of Skye. The narrow streets in the city were difficult to navigate but once they reached the country roads, driving was more pleasant. Traveling at night in the Highlands with low-visibility downpours also posed some challenges. I commended her for her bravery as a left-side-of-the-road driver. The weather proved unpredictable, switching from sunshine to drizzles and gusty winds. She pointed out that the northern part of the Trotternish Peninsula was bitingly cold. This morning, she showed a video of a Shetland cattle with audible howling winds in the background. She scrolled through more images on her phone, narrating their adventures along the way–from rugged and isolated verdant landscapes, castles, a distillery, quaint cafes, and restaurants, to a snapshot of her favorite Cullin Skink bowl.
I'm so pleased to hear that she had an enjoyable time during her break. GT and my younger sister, Malyn, have consistently supported her annual time off, understanding the importance of prioritizing mental health. Her daily routine of looking after my parents while managing their finances, caregivers, and household is undeniably mentally and emotionally demanding. These past six weeks in her shoes have given me a deeper appreciation for what she goes through.
A week before my scheduled departure to Manila, my team was laid off. After the initial shock, I took a step back and thought God was directing my steps and that I had to pay attention to His will, not mine. I was only going to stay for two weeks but sensing that my mom could not possibly run the household in her fragile state, I stepped up. That was the moment I knew in my heart and soul that this was where God intended for me to be. Ate Marica cried uncontrollably after informing her of my extended stay. She hugged me tight.
Once her tears calmed, we put together a long checklist to make sure her suitcases were packed and had everything she needed while I gathered all the information and all the tiny details required to manage the caregivers and the household in her absence.
I have a few days left here in Manila. I passed on another checklist of items for Ate Marica to address once I leave. During my stay, I created a central database via Google Sheets that housed all the information pertaining to my parents’ care ranging from a list of their medications, a template for ordering medicines, a log of doctors’ notes after each tele-consult or appointment, a medical supply inventory, and a tracking sheet for expenses. It’s not perfect by all means but a starting point to get organized and to reduce repetitive tasks for Ate Marica. Little did I realize that the skillset I learned from years of working as a Group Reservations Coordinator in the hotel industry for close to 15 years had come in handy in this situation.
Let me leave you, dear ones, with this quote I came across this week:
If you don’t become the ocean, you’ll be seasick everyday.
—Leonard Cohen
As always, let's connect in the comments section. Share your thoughts and anything that struck a chord with you from today's post.
See you all next Sunday!
Such an amazing story of trust. And "becoming the ocean" - such a beautiful image and idea that you wove your story around. Thank you for sharing! "I knew in my heart and soul that this was where God intended for me to be" - the most important words in our lives :) Best wishes on the next stage in your journey!
I've read this listening to Nat King Cole singing Stardust.
The two go together beautifully. Another wonderful post, Stella. Thank you.